Of prawns and trust...

I'm back at the office today, the fifth day of Syawal. This must have been the shortest Raya holiday I ever had! And the most hectic too...!

I was back in my hometown on Thursday night and by 3am Friday morning, Ayah and I was up and running to the market to get the freshest food for Hari Raya. The scene and smell of the early market was amazing. I can't remember when was the last time I experienced this emotions (pasar does to me what most women may fail some of the times...)! Unfortunately, in my excitement to go there, I forgot to bring my camera to capture the hustle and bustle of early morning pasar for all eternity.

Our first stop was the seafood section. There were polystyrene and plastic boxes after boxes of prawns, all kinds of fish, squids, crabs, shellfish and whatever the sea can provide. Ayah, being the sifu, went around the stalls, chit chat with the vendors. He knew the pasar well. Within 5 minutes, we were already at the stall that was selling the freshest prawns of the day. I didn't know that the stalls only get their stocks on alternate days.

"Ah Chai! Bukak la ini kotak semua! Apa macam orang mau beli kalau lu takda bukak..." Ayah directed his monologue to a grinning Chinaman. I know Ah Chai. I got to know him when I used to follow Ayah to the pasar. Sometimes, Ayah just sent me to him to get what Ayah had bought but hadn't had the time to bring it back home. But the Ah Chai I was looking at now has aged.

"Aji! Mau masak lenlang pakai ulang ka? Aji pigi la beli itu lomu lulu...nanti wa bukak la...Aji buleh pilih..."

"Daging sudah lama beli la, Chai...kalau beli sekarang, harga mesti naik punya."

"Haiyah! Ok la, ok la...Aji mau yang busat punya ka...?" Ah Chai said something in Chinese, directing one of his boys to open up a box nearest to him, "Ha, Aji...ini semua busat-busat...belapa kilo Aji mau?"

Ayah looked at me. All the while during his friendly exchange with Ah Chai, I was feasting my eyes on the fishes of various kinds. I knew his look. He wanted me to choose the prawns. It was a test of some kind.

"Ah Chai, bukak lagi satu," I said.

"Ini wa punya anak la, Chai," explained Ayah when he saw the questioning look that Ah Chai threw at me.

"Waahhh...! Haiya...! Wa sulah takla kenal la, Aji... Ini lulu latang kedai wa amik ikan punya anak, kan Aji? Haiya! Lu kija KL...wa lama takla jumpa la...Lu kawin pun, wa ala latang punya...!"

"Iya la, Chai. Saya tau," I lied. I wouldn't have recognised him in his good clothes, attending my wedding. But then, there were thousands of people who came to my wedding and I recognised less than half of them.

Ah Chai asked his boys to open up another box. He kept on talking to Ayah. I ignored them. Ayah was testing me and I need full concentration on this. I looked at the prawns. I scooped a handful of them cautiously. I didn't want to get pricked by one of the sharp "horns" straddling at the heads of the prawns. I studied the prawns. The tips of the tails had no blackened marked. They were fresh. The heads were not that big. They looked ok. I studied the earlier opened box. Did the same routine of inspection. The prawns were bigger. I went to another box. By now, Ah Chai's crew had opened up a number of boxes. Some they poured the contents on the square alloy trays that were lying around on the floor of the pasar, some were still in their respective boxes. I studied a few more prawns from different boxes. The first opened box was my choice.

"Chai, berapa sekilo?" I pointed to the box of prawns.

"Wa sulah cakap, ini kotak semua ulang busat2 punya..." he grinned at me. I grinned back. "Lu mau belapa manyak?"

"Bagi tiga kilo la, Chai," I replied with a grin that hadn't left me. I was embarassed, actually, to have questioned his choice of prawns at the first instance. I should have trusted him. When Ah Chai said that the biggest prawns are in there, believe me, they are. I mean, Ah Chai had been supplying prawns and other seafood (fish, crabs, squids, etc) to Ayah for more than two decades. Ayah wouldn't have gone to the same vendor for the past two decades if he doesn't trust the vendor.

I made a silly mistake. Ah Chai would never have the same trust in me as he had in Ayah. He didn't need to say that up front. His grin told me everything. After I've paid Ah Chai, I made my way to the vegetables section. Ayah chatted with Ah Chai for some time. I don't know what transpired between them. Perhaps Ayah explained to him on my "mistrusted" behaviour towards him. Perhaps Ayah apologised. I don't know. But, I bet you that when Ayah isn't around anymore, I don't think I'll get the same treatment from Ah Chai as he gave to Ayah.

Ayah's test wasn't on me choosing the freshest prawns. The test was the trust he had on AH Chai. He tested me whether I trusted him in putting his trust in Ah Chai. Ayah must have been disappointed. Stupid me.

Selamat Hari Raya

I just received a card. A Raya card. So far, this is the only one I've received for this year. Sad? Not really. Considering that I can't even remember when was the last time I sent a Raya card to any of my friends. Yup, I'm not a Raya card person. If cards sent by the company, yes. I've signed a lot of them in my working capacity. Personal Raya card, no.

I blame it on the advancement of technology. Raya cards, for me, had been replaced by e-cards. I used to send e-cards by affiliations. One e-card to all my ex-schoolmates, another for my office mates, one e-card to my acquaintances and so forth. Then, one day, it struck me. The e-cards that I'd been sending were not personalised anymore. Plus, some of them got bounced as well. So, why bother sending? That stopped me from sending any Raya cards whatsoever.

Then again, I guess I'm just too lazy to go through the hassle of getting a card, buy stamps and post it via snail mail... Aren't everybody...?

Post Script (PS): Midget, thank you for the Hari Raya card! Will cherish it till next year! =)

Wisdom towards happiness...

Ask the happy ones by what ways they have won the beloved;
They answer, by sweetness of speech
and the beauty of contentment.
A loaf of dry bread and bare earth for a bed;
In the company of the beloved, is full of happiness.
Let humility be the word,
Resignation the offering,
The tongue be the mint of sweet speech.

Beauty

A thing of beauty is a joy forever,
Its loveliness increaseth: it will never
Pass to nothingness; yet it still keeps
A bower, quiet, for us to sleep and dream and wreathing
a flowery hand to bind us to life
With all the sorrow and cruelty
Of humane dearth.

O Loneliness

O Loneliness! If I thee dwell
Let thee not be of murky and misery
Thy solitude be of chosen, not
Of sorrow and nothingness
Passed by and forgotten; no memories of
Joyfulness and fondness of young and old.

O Loneliness! If I thee dwell
Thou be of memories; happiness and all
As thy life gone by.

Ilusi

Sayangku,
Ku anyam hembusan bayu
Menjadi alas tidur malammu
Lenalah sayang...

Sayangku,
Ku tenun awan berarak
Menjadi selendang hiasan rambutmu
Senyumlah sayang...

Sayangku,
Kupetik bintang timur
Menjadi kerongsang melengkap hiasan
Terimalah sayang...

Di dalam gelap malam,
Kujolok bulan gerhana
Agar terang rinduku
Lalu membentuk angan-angan
Yang membunuh realiti
Langsung tercipta ilusi.

Do you know your neighbour...?

It just struck me, while browsing the internet a moment ago, that we know more about Mawi, Erra, Bard Pitt and other celebrities than we know our neighbour. Isn't it weird? No, not weird. Just plain human nature, I guess. Read more at http://waiterrant.net/?p=24

Moving to greener pasture...?

I tendered my resignation on Monday morning. I made it a quiet affair. By afternoon, the office was abuzz about my resignation. Talk about HR's private & confidential policy.

Yes, I'm resigning from my current company. It is more of a pulling factor, ie, another company is pulling me to their side. It is not a push factor, ie, I'm not happy with the current company that I feel like being pushed out from the company.

Food, water & nicotine

Met Midget just now. She was wearing this turquoise modern baju kurung. She looked like she had just jumped out from some glamorous women magazine! I saw her walking towards me. The baju kurung modern accentuated the swaying of her hips, her hair brushing across her face and the smile that could launch a thousand ships!

Midget was like a goddess of some sort. She looked wonderfully charming, smiling as she walked to me. It was like in some romantic movie whereby the hero and heroine met after a long separation. If it was a Hindi movie, this shot would be in slow motion with some heart-rendering song in the background. If it was a Malay movie, the characters for this shot would be played by Fasha Sandha or Erra Fazira with Fahrin Ahmad or Rosyam Nor, respectively. I swear it was something similar to that. Or was it just me being disillusion after being deprived of food, water and nicotine for half a day? I would never know...

Cerpen - Kasih yg tak berbelah bagi...

I got this from an email. Ultramanterror sent it. Dunno who is the author of this short story.

Cerpen - Kasih yg tak berbelah bagi...

" Abg...tlg dtg umah segera, URGENT!!!!! ".

Hakim baca sms sepantas kilat. Terus call balik phone Ina. Tak berjawab. Hakim cemas. Tak pernah Ina hantar sms macam tu. Hakim kelam kabut hidupkan enjin kereta. Dia risaukan kekasih tersayangnya itu. Macam-macam dalam kepalanya waktu itu.

Dia kenal Ina sejak dari zaman kanak-kanak lagi. Keluarganya berjiran dengan keluarga Ina. Dari kecik mereka bermain bersama, kalau main masak-masak dia sanggup bertumbuk dengan Farok semata-mata nak jadi bapak kerana Ina mesti jadi mak. Pernah Farok cakap dia pondan sebab sentiasa bermain dengan Ina waktu Farok dan Saleh ajak main askar-askar. Dia ajak jugak Ina main askar-askar tapi Ina cakap budak pompuan mana boleh main permainan kasar-kasar macam tu. Sebab itulah dia sukakan Ina, lembut, penyayang dan penuh ciri-ciri keperempuanan.

Bila masuk sekolahpun, dia dan Ina berbasikal sama-sama ke sekolah. Walaupun Farok dan Saleh selalu kutuk bila dia tak mahu 'Racing BMX' dengan depa pun dia tak kisah. Dia rela dikutuk oleh kawan-kawan daripada meninggalkan Ina kayuh basikal sorang-sorang. Dia pernah kena belasah sampai lebam bijik mata oleh 'Husin and the gang' yang mengganggu Ina masa darjah tiga. Waktu darjah 4, bila dia mula lancar tulis baca dan tahu berpantun sikit-sikit diapun tulis surat kpd Ina "Pen merah pen biru, U baca I love U' bersama sebijik gula-gula Hacks sebagai hadiah harijadi Ina...gara-gara surat itulah dia mendapat jelingan tajam Mak Ropiah, ibunya Ina yang terjumpa surat itu waktu menyemak buku sekolah Ina.

Mak Ropiah memberitahu hal itu kepada ibunya, dan hasilnya dia terpaksa menadah telinga menahan leteran maknya. Nasib baik bapak tak tahu, kalau tidak naya.

Hakim gelak sorang-sorang waktu teringatkan peristiwa itu tapi fikirannya kembali cemas mengingatkan sms Ina tadi. Sudah hampir 15 kali dia cuba hubungi telefon Ina tapi masih tidak berjawab. Dia amat risau kala itu, fikirannya menelah perkara yang buruk-buruk saja. Dia risau kerana Ina tinggal seorang diri. Rakan serumah Ina, si Baizura sedang bekerja kala itu. Dia tahu, Ina kerja shift pagi tadi, Baizura kerja shift malam. Dia risau kerana panggilannya tidak berjawab. Dia risau takut-takut rumah Ina dimasuki penyamun yang memang menjadi-jadi akhir-akhir ini. Baru-baru ni, ada rumah di kawasan perumahan Ina dimasuki perompak.

Dia berdoa jika rumah Ina dimasuki perompak sekalipun janganlah kekasih hatinya itu diapa-apakan, ambiklah barang apa saja yang mereka mahu asalkan Ina tidak diapa-apakan. Dia berdoa sungguh-sungguh.

Dia bercinta dengan Ina sejak darjah 6 lagi, sejak dia mengerti apa itu baligh bagi seorang laki-laki dan perempuan. Hingga sekarang mereka masih bercinta. Kasihnya pada Ina dah macam Gunung Everest, tak tergoyahkan. Jika tak ada aral melintang hujung tahun ini, keluarganya akan masuk meminang Ina. Ina akan menjadi surinya yang sah dan dia tak mahu apa-apa yang buruk terjadi kepada bakal isterinya itu.

Keretanya memecut laju memasuki kawasan perumahan Ina. Sebaik berhenti di depan rumah Ina Hakim terpa keluar dari kereta. Dia lompat pagar rendah rumah Ina. Dia terpa ke pintu sambil jerit "Ina, Ina". Dia pulas tombol pintu, pintu tak berkunci. Dia betul-betul cemas. Dia ketuk pintu bilik Ina. Dia dengar esakan Ina. Ina menangis. Hakim makin cemas. Dia ketuk lagi pintu bilik Ina sambil panggil nama Ina. Hakim tak boleh bersabar lagi, dia pulas tombol pintu bilik Ina. Juga tak berkunci. Dia masuk bilik Ina, dia tengok Ina teresak-esak atas katil. Rambut Ina kusut masai, Ina tekup muka sambil menangis.

"Ina, apa yang terjadi sayang" Hakim cuba pujuk Ina.

Ina masih dalam sendu. "hu...hu..."

" Ina, cakap kat abang elok-elok, apa yang dah jadi"

"Hu..hu"

Hakim dah tak sabar, dia dah tak peduli walau apapun yang akan keluar dari mulut Ina. Dia akan terima walau seburuk manapun berita yang akan keluar dari mulut Ina. Hakim goncang bahu Ina.

"Ina, what hell is going on...tell me!!" Suara Hakim kuat kali ini. Ina berenti menangis, Ina tatap wajah Hakim, Ina renung mata Hakim.

"Bang, Ina lapar, nak makan nasik. Duit gaji tak masuk lagi. Nanti cukup 27hb Sept nie, Ina bayar blk ek? Tak pun bila Ina dapat Bonus baru bayar."

~The End~

Trust

The toughest thing about the power of trust is that it's very difficult to build and very easy to destroy. The essence of trust building is to emphasize the similarities between you and the people you work with. James Thornton once said “Ultimately, we must learn to trust ourselves. When we do this intimately and intelligently, the world opens full of meaning before us. We find that we ourselves are the doorway to a fathomless understanding of the source of life itself. We need only to learn to walk through it."

The wisest leaders are hardly known
Then come those who are loved
Then those feared
Then those despised

Mistrust begets mistrust
Trust begets accomplishment

Think of your loved ones. They trust you.

A Story for My Daughter

There was once a pillow case. It was bright and flowery and was a favourite to its owners. The favouritism was mutual. But for the pillow case, it had no other material things to choose from to be its favourite, except its owners.

One day, after being washed and while being dried under the sun, a sudden gush of wind blew it off from the clothes hanger. It flew onto a street in front of its owner's house. A car came by and ran it over. The pillow case had tyre marks all over it now. The pillow case became sad now that it wasn't bright nor flowery anymore. A big truck rushed by and blew the pillow case farther away from the house. It landed in a bush. The pillow case was getting sadder by the moment. It got stuck on a prickly bush. A continuous gush of wind started to blow and the pillow case was torn as it left its thorny resting place.

"I'm for sure will be alone forever like an unwanted rubbish", thought the pillow case. "I've lost my owners, I'm dirty and I'm torn. I'll just be a useless piece of cloth."

Now, torn and dirty, the pillow case was strewn on a field. It was wallowing in its predicament when suddenly, it was picked up. A black, evil-looking crow had the pillow case in its strong beak.

"Ah! Now I'm very sure I'll be frayed by this horrendous beast and be left in tatters!" cried the pillow case. The black crow flew higher and higher and farther and farther from the pillow case's house.

Upon reaching a baobab, the black crow stopped and laid the pillow case gently into its nest. The black crow laid the pillow case to cover its nest as a mother put her child to bed. The pillow case was taken aback. Never had it felt such tenderness other than when its owners smoothen it after stuffing it with a pillow. Never had the pillow case known that such tenderness can be shewn by other beings other than mankind. Once the pillow case was laid, the black crow began resting in its nest to start laying its eggs. The warmth of the black crow made the pillow case felt satiated after the adventure of the day.

After some weeks, and with the warmth provided by the pillow case, the eggs started to hatch. The pillow case was in awe in having a hand in such amazing natural process. The pillow case had never felt so appreciated in its entire life at that moment. The pillow case had totally forgotten its owners, the comfortable closet that it was kept when not in use, the big beautiful house and the care given by its owners. Never had it felt such feelings. From that day onwards, the pillow case understood that it was not how it looked, what colour, what pattern and design that mattered. What mattered was how it was being used in whatever form or shape. What mattered was its usefulness to other people.

Me and Pasar Malam

I confess. I'm a pasar malam addict. Wait, I'm a pasar addict. Anything to do with pasar, be it ending with malam, pagi, borong, tani, etc, I'm always excited to be one of the crowds that throng these places. I don't know why I'm like that or what attracts me to the pasar. I hate crowded places, but when it comes to pasar, it's an exception. Like they say, there's always an exception to the general rule (I learned that during law school). When I was studying, I spent more time at the pasar near my college (Victoria Market) than at the library!

I was introduced to the pasar at an early age. When I was four (or was it five?) Ayah always brought me along whenever he went to pasar. Ayah is not a scholar who teaches his children of ABC's and 123. He had never helped in any of his children's homeworks. Not that he's not clever. Far from it. In fact, my late Datuk always told me how brilliant Ayah was when he was schooling. Datuk wanted to send him to Al-Azhar to continue his studies but Ayah refused to go. Instead he started work, got married and have a family. Rather than teaching his children ABC's and 123, Ayah taught us many other things about life. One of those things were during our excursions to the pasar.

I pride myself in having the knowledge of choosing the freshest fish on the block from the variety of fish in the pasar. I know which ikan merah would have the most succulent of flesh for fish head curry, what ikan pari to choose from for grilling or to cook asam pedas with. I take pride in choosing the hottest chillies for sambal belacan, the best bendi (ladies fingers) for stir fry or for fish curry. I learned all these from Ayah. Even until now, whenever I go with Ayah to the pasar, he would be quizzing me on the name of fish, vegies, etc. I guess, it was his way of taking pride in the knowledge that he passed on.

Whenever I go to a pasar, I'll be spending hours there. I like to take in the sights, smell and sound of a pasar. I went to my weekly pasar malam yesterday. I was there for almost two hours. I bought some fresh oranges, green vegies, fish and some food for dinner. I've been going to the same pasar malam for the past two years. I've made friends with some of the vendors. It helps in getting the best price for the freshest produce. Sometimes I bought their goods, sometime I don't. But week in, week out, I'll be stopping by at their stalls, just to chat, catch up with their news, talk about everything under the sun. From their families to politics, economies, EPL (English Premier League) and whatever the flavour of the month is (next week, some will be talking about Altantuya's case now that it has resumed).

I was at the fruit stall to buy my usual dose of oranges, apples and grapes. The Fruit Uncle (FU) used to be selling his fruits from a motorcycle. Now he has progressed to having his own stall. He used to sell only oranges, sweet and seedless oranges. Now he sells apples, grapes, pears and the occassional local fruits. Chatted with him for awhile. He told me proudly that his 10-year old grandson is first in his class. His youngest daughter had just finished school and now looking for a job. I told him that perhaps I could help. He called on his daughter and asked her to explain to me what course she took in the university. She took up computer engineering. So, I told her that perhaps she could email me her resume and I'll forward it to my HR. FU smiled. I bought RM15 woth of his fruits and he gave me some mangoes. I told him he needn't to. After all, almost every week he would be giving me some extra oranges or apples. But he insisted. Extra weight to my half full trolley. Not that I'm complaining.

I stopped by at the vegetables vendor. He is just next to FU. Since I was late yesterday, not much choices left. I was about to move on when the Vegetable Uncle (VU) signalled to me to wait a second. From a box underneath his counter, he took out two bundles of spinach and gave them to me. The best of the lot, he said with a hearty laugh. VU started small as well. He used to sell his spinach and kangkung from a small table that didn't deserve to be called a stall. Now, he is a proud of owner of a stall. I took out my wallet to pay him for the two bundles of spinach. He declined. He said he was about to close up. If I didn't come by, he would have cooked the spinach himself. But since I was there, he just gave it to me. I thanked him profusely and he just gave me a hearty laugh and told me to bring CG next time. VU and his wife love CG. They love her curly hair.

My next stop was another vegetable vendor. Two bundles of spinach would not last for one week. AS (Abang Sayur) and his wife greeted me cheerily. I bought some chillies, cauliflower and kangkung. Not the freshest, but they'll do. I complained to AS about the freshness and he gave me some discounts. He said it is difficult now to get the best vegetables from the market, especially now that he has no workers. Hmm...

Then, I went for some dinner hunting. Bought some mee goreng. CG wanted some chicken wings. I bought half a dozen from the usual Pakcik. This Pakcik is ranggi. He doesn't have that many front teeth but still, he can dress up as stylo as a pasar malam vendor can be. Last week, he was wearing his sunglasses that look 2 decades outdated. I told him he looked like a pop yehyeh star. He laughed out loud and gave me an extra piece of chicken wing. Yesterday, he was wearing this ridiculous looking stetson! A Pasar Malam John Wayne!

You see, that was only my pasar malam excursion. If I were to go to the normal pasar, it would be half a day there!

Testing

Just testing with a funny video clip... Let's see, shall we?

Maan...this is taking a long time...

Lost in Future

I'm supposed to be sleeping right now. But I just can't. I had just chatted off with Midget about 15 minutes ago. I couldn't really figure it out about us, Midget and I. Whenever she's around me, it's like I have no worries at all. The days will be shorter for sure. It's like you are having fun and time just flies away without you even noticing it. It is like that with her. I feel exuberant when she's around.

But then, we can't be around each other the whole time, lest you want to see some real life drama swasta being played out in front of you. And that is to put it mildly! No, I'm not exaggerating, not one bit. The fact is, Midget and I can't be around each other 24/7. And yet, we complete each other when we are together. Mind boggling? Perhaps.

That's the part that I can't really figure it out. How can we, two individuals who can't be with each other all the time, make a future with this relationship? I love her for sure, and she does me as well (is it true, Midget?). Is that enough? Can love withstand all?

The title of my post this time is similar to that 70's TV series, Lost in Space (yeah, they made a movie out of it with Matt Le Blanc in it). In that TV series, the family was like the Robinson's family, except that they became lost in space. I'm not lost in space, nor am I stranded on a deserted island. I am at lost when it comes to Midget. What will become of Midget and I? Perhaps, I'll just que se ra sera...?

Merdeka celebrations, the other side

It is that time of the year again. Where you'll get stuck in jams due to road closures, everywhere. Not just KL, mind you. It's happening at all major towns, even in Batu Pahat! Yup, it is the Merdeka week. Don't get me wrong. I am as patriotic as any Malaysian on the street. I love my country. And I will not go on rambling about how much I love my country and what not. That will not say anything on my patriotism. It is just that, whenever it is Merdeka week, roads, like the one in front of Dataran Merdeka or Dataran Batu Pahat (that's in Batu Pahat), are closed for the rehearsal. That causes traffic jams. Precious times are lost due to the jams. It is not enough that jams during peak hours are bad enough, but the organisers of the Merdeka celebration found it good enough reason to compound that routine jams with road closures! (I know, I used the same word 3 times in one sentence...so...?) In the heart of KL! Doesn't anyone have a better idea of perhaps closing the roads during non-peak hours? Like 12 midnight, perhaps? The participants wouldn't be "burnt" under the hot sun, no heat stroke and families can go and watch the rehearsals...

It is also that time of the year again. When you can find the Jalur Gemilang being run over by cars, lorries, buses and perhaps, kereta lembu? Yup, some patriotic drivers, having the Jalur Gemilang on their cars, doesn't have the decency to make sure that the Jalur Gemilang stays there. You can find strewn Jalur Gemilangs on major highways and this is ironic because it is during these weeks that Malaysians will be using the highways most. For holidays in celebration of Merdeka! I wonder how patriotic are these drivers...sigh!
What I'm trying to say here is that, perhaps, it is high time now that we reflect on our Merdeka celebration? Just my two-cent worth...

How to behave in the office

I was updating my blog when a colleague walked pass. He saw what I was doing and said in jest, "You're practising your LLB, right?" Hahaha! LLB for him is Look Like Busy, but LLB for me is Lagi Loyar Buruk. But, can anyone tell me what LLB really stands for? I know it's Latin. Anyway, moments later, an email came in. I re-produce verbatim. Hehehe!

Did I say I reproduce verbatim? Yup, a number is missing. See Rule no 2? I guess I do look busy whilst updating this. Hahaha! Ooops! Boss is coming towards me. I'll be doing REAL work soon, I guess. Or, perhaps not?

Books and Classics

I'm back to re-reading my books. The two books that were borrowed from Midget are done for. I'm now with Phileas Fogg and Passerpartout. I never noticed how routine and boring the life must have been for Mr Fogg before his round-the-world adventure. The man sacked his servant (the one before the ever reliable Passerpartout) just for not preparing his shaving water at the right temperature...! His life had to be exact. It must have been tiresome to have everything exactly as you wanted.

The first time I read the book, I was full of admiration for Mr Fogg. I was 11 at that time. The adventure that Mr Fogg went through was inspiring for an 11-year-old boy. The description of exotic India, the wild west train ride and so forth were such that I wanted to experience them first hand. I wanted to be Mr Fogg! But alas, reading it for the second time, I was so embarassed that I used to want to be like him! But hey, I was 11 at that time...good enough excuse, perhaps?

Reading the book reminded me of another book of that period. Lord Jim, if I'm not mistaken. It was about a mat salleh, came to Borneo, had an adventure of a lifetime, settled down there and the locals called him, Tuan Jim. He wrote about the headhunters of Borneo, the tribes that were scatterred along the Sungai Rejang, etc. The book was written by Joseph Conrad, an American, if I'm correct, and was made into a movie back in the sixties. I have a copy of the same in e-book.

I was skyping with Midget yesterday when somehow or rather, we talked about Sandera, by Arenawati. I miss that book. I had a copy some years ago, but lost it to termites. Now, I'm wondering, where can I get another copy? In fact, there is a list of books that I want to buy/have. I noticed that it is easier to find old English books by DH Lawrence, Jules Verne, Joseph Conrad, etc, but it is almost impossible to get old Malay classics. What is DBP going to do about that? Or anyone for that matter? My wishlist (some might not be the correct titles or authors, but the gist of it...):

1. Sandera, Arenawati
2. Merpati Putih Terbang Lagi, Khadijah Hashim (?) (not a classic classic, quite contemporary, actually)
3. Lepaskan Kembali Aku ke Laut, (can't remember the author), Volumes 1-3
4. Ranjau Sepanjang Jalan, Shahnon Ahmad
5. Desa Pingitan, (can't remember the author)
6. Hikayat Parang Puting, (can't remember the author)
   

O Love! Becoming unto Me

I stood tip toe upon a little hill,
Over the plains and my own will,
Over a love that remains still,
For it has nought a life to quill.

But what am I that for which love forsakes,
If not a penne of hollow and flakes?

Alas! Love becoming in shapes, fonts
By which the letters are bold and golden,
But whose shape has love formed,
It is you o sweet beholden!

Hair as silky with sweet honey brush,
A smile that a fleet would damnly be crushed?

Atop the little hill I found a gully, to
Couler, to slide in reaching unto,
O you, my sweet beloved Love,
Felling and tumbling to your safety cove.

Raining Transformers!

I watched Transformers yesterday! It was super COOL! My daughter jumped from her seat to give me a high five the first time one of them transformed! If you go for the storyline, plot, and whatever mumbo-jumbo artsy fartsy, better don't. Once they transformed, I was transformed to a 12-year old kid! My daughter and I swapped stories after that. We were like kids! Except that one had to drive the car back home whilst the other kept on talking.

The whole experience transported me back to the time when I watched Star Wars, Episode IV. It made me reminisced about light sabres we used to make with torch light and coloured plastic wrappers. How we would be swashbuckling with our light sabres from our double-decker beds. Yup, me and my elder brother. My parents wouldn't let us buy the "real" light sabres that kids at our age were playing with at that time. My parents would say, "Buat apa buang2 duit beli?" At that time, we thought they were just being parents, spoilers of fun. In actual fact, the money they had, which was not much, was used to buy food, clothings, our Hari Raya clothes, pay the school fees, etc. But still, without the real light sabres, my brother and I had fun like other kids, except that when we swashed, our sabres would buckle.

Then, there was Luke Skywalker. When we played with our light sabres, my brother and I would argue, and in the end, we took turns who would be the hero. Whoever was Luke of the day would have the blue coloured sabre, mark of a hero. Saviour of the galaxy. Even at that age, we've learned how to compromise. Maybe because there were only two of us and if we didn't compromise, then each of us would be playing alone. That wouldn't be very fun, would it?

When I was 12, there were a lot of fun things to do, without the use of TV, PS2, etc. With two sticks and a hole in the ground, us kids could play cakar ayam or was it sonkang sungkit? There are various names to this game, that I know. It is a game where we put one stick across the hole, and used another stick to flick the former as far as possible, without it being caught by your opponents. Then, your opponent would have to throw the stick back towards the hole. Marks would be counted as to the distance of the stick from the hole. Then, there was the TV series "Combat". We would be cutting and carving pieces of woods to make guns so that we could play combat. I remember that us kids would be running around like real soldiers in a combat, finding covers so that we can shoot our opponents without us being shot at. We used senduduk buds as our ammo.

Those were the time, eh? No worries in the world would stop us from playing games and having fun. Except of course, our parents. The "Fun Spoilers". After the movie, we went back. It was raining, more like a heavy drizzle. And I was still a 12-year-old kid. So, I asked my daughter whether she would like to join me for a bit of fun in the rain. She jumped out of the car and we started jumping in water puddles, dancing and looking up to the raining sky with our mouths open. It was fun! While it lasted. That was, when another "Fun Spoiler" came out from the house. My darling wife. And being the only adult, I got the worse end of the lecture.

It was fun, even for a little while...

Sad morning...

I was having breakfast this morning, alone and with a newspaper in hand. Read about the little 3 year-old girl... What has the world turn to?! How could a mother, who had been carrying her for nine months, tergamak did something like that? And that mother who abused her kid till he ruptured his intestine and died a slow death... How could a mother do all those things to her own child?!

All these happened here, in my beloved country. If it happens in some hell-on-earth countries like Afghanistan or Iraq (ironically, both are so-called Muslim countries), perhaps it is more acceptable. With the need to survive and what not. Even that, I still couldn't swallow the fact that a person would kill his/her own blood!

Ya Allah! Lindungilah keluarga aku dan keluarga umat Islam yang lain dari perkara2 musibah dan buruk!

I was discussing this with my new friend over skype. She said, she's sad as well. And felt like bashing up the mother and her boyfriend. I asked her, what good would that do? You might feel good about it, or you might not. It is because fighting violence with violence that makes the whole world violent. Islam allows an eye for an eye but, the great religion also said that giving forgiveness is a more noble thing to do. I think because of taking Islamic teachings in parts, rather than its entirety, that extremists mushroom.

I was reading the book my skype friend gave me. It was about Afghanistan, prior to Soviet invasion, during Taliban and post Taliban. Things are not looking up over there. Most Afghans may have forgotten the Islam way of life prior to the Soviet invasion. Then, when the Taliban took over, the literal and extreme interpretation of Islamic teachings prevailed. It was hell being delivered, rather than heaven that was promised. Imagine, a Muslim woman, being beaten for speaking out too loud in public without further enquiries being made. In the book, there was story about this woman who went to the market with the husband. She asked for the price of some fruits to the old man who was selling it. And the old man was hard of hearing. So, she asked in a raised voice. She was beaten there and then, in front of the husband, the crowd for doing that! She was beaten so hard that she couldn't walk for days! That wasn't Islamic teachings. That was just brutality to women. And what about the Taliban's massacre of the Hazara. Just because they are Syiah, they were massacred? Even the Prophet S.A.W said that towards the end, his ummat would have many sectarians beliefs, but they are not wrong as long as they hold to the 5 pillars of Islam and believe in the six pillars of faith.

I am not religious. I am no imam or ustadz. But I believe this, peganglah Rukun Islam dan percayalah kepada Rukun Imam, InsyaAllah, you'll be okay.

How do I love thee

I got this beautiful poem off the ERL. It was written by someone, I can't remember who. I just wanna share it with you. Hope by publishing it here, I won't get into any trouble for not putting the original author's name to it. If you know who wrote this, please enlighten me. I'll give him/her due credit.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the does of Being and ideal Grace
I love thee to the level of everyday's
most quiet need, by sun and candlelight
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith

I love thee with the love I seem to lose
With my lost saints - I love thee with the breadth
Smiles, tears, of all my life - and if God choose
I shall but love thee better after death

I was so moved by it that I text it down in my handphone. Hence, now sharing it. I dedicated this to my love. She said she liked it. Dunno whether she still keeps it with her. Hmm...

Idle but busy...?

9.30am:
Got into the office this morning. Actually, client's office. Have been here for two weeks.

Today is one of those days when I'm swarmed with work and have no inkling of head and tail as to what to do. Rasa malas je nak buat apa-apa. If only I could just lepak in front of the tv...sigh!


1.03pm:
Just had lunch with one of my colleagues. Somehow, the talk over lunch went from the tastiness of the lauk-pauk, to previous projects and to a mutual friend who is said to be getting married soon. About this mutual friend. He is the only Arab whom I know that eats siput sedut. Girls say he is cool, good-looking, tall...almost every girl's dream boy. You might have thought he is a bit of casanova, right? Wrong. He is the total opposite. I've known him for about four years and he has never talked about a girlfriend or makwe or any conquest. There was even a time when I thought he is, well...not straight. But somehow or rather, early this year, he kept asking about the procedure in getting married. And never once did he mention that he has a girl in his mind. But rumours have it (agh! no, i'm not a rumour mongerer...well, at least not the criminal kind...) that he is seeing someone for the past two years! Hmm....makes you wonder how come he had never mentioned about this. Or how he could have this big a secret. I guess, certain people are just good at keeping everything close to their chest. And now, he and the girl are getting married! It is still a rumour, hence, the kepochi in me started to make some inquiries. There and then, during lunch just now. I made some calls and all came back with,"Ha?! Dia dah nak kawin dah?!" It seems no one know. So, perhaps, it's just rumour....Or perhaps it's not...? We'll see...

11pm:
Another day went by. I had a meeting at 5pm just now. Had to go back to the office for that. The meeting went quite well. Finished off at around 7pm. Then only I remembered that I was supposed to watch Transformers with my daughter. Hurriedly went to the cinema to buy tickets for the 9pm show. But alas, all tickets were sold out! Aiseh, anak aku frust giler. She almost cried when I told her. Aku cakap kat dia, perhaps tomorrow. Hopely, besok aku boleh la balik awal sikit. Lately, I have been making promises to her that I couldn't keep. Like cooking her favourite ketam masak lemak or making her fried beehoon. I've been swarmed with work these past couple of weeks. Kerja yang aku tak tahu mana hujung pangkalnya. Aku sendiri pun dah pening, kerja mana yang aku buat sekarang...sigh! Hopefully, tomorrow I can at least fulfill one of the promises I made to my daughter...

Anak-anak....

These are my two beautiful children. I have a pair. The eldest, a girl, is turning 6 in a couple of months. The youngest, a boy is 2. Both have curly hairs. And the wife tak nak potong rambut anak lelaki aku, so, org selalu ingat dia budak pompuan. Here they are, my most sacred treasures!

Getting started

Man... I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Writing. On the net. I've done some writing before, got them printed and published and what nots. But never on the net. You see, when you get things printed and published on paper, a whole bunch of editors must have had gone through your manuscripts, checking your grammar, spellings and most importantly, making sure your contents make sense. But not on the net, though. It's akin to opening up yourself, in all its grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and incoherent thoughts for all to see.

Well, here I am. If whatever you got from here is beneficial to you, Alhamdulillah. If not, just leave it as it is.